Friday, April 29, 2005

The greatest story ever told

Recorded live at the ECE Winter Party '04, through the crayola marker weilding, drunken hands of geeky graduate students, comes a story traversing a veritable universe of literary constellations - all the way from rednecks to Ron Jeremy, through dragons, transvestites and dwarves - bringing joy to the hearts of all who read it.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, The Greatest Story Ever Told.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Submitted to Intl. Conf. on What You Did This Weekend

For the case under consideration, let us focus on the time period stretching from t1=21.Apr.2005 to t2=24.Apr.2005. Using the measurement techniques described in Sec 2.1, we have arrived at the following plot of the subject, VG's, 'Quality and Fun Curve' over several recreational activities during this time period. The Fun Curve indicates the level of fun subject VG experienced at event marked. The Quality Curve indicates the unbiased quality index of the event, as per the subject.

Several valuable deductions can be made with the help of this empirical data -

graph
  1. The presence of a catalytic agent, in the form of subject AL (also refered to as 'best friend since 5th grade' by subject VG) can create a boost in the Fun Curve, even at potentially brain hemorrage inducing events such as Chandramukhi.
  2. The inherently classic nature of movies such as Evil Dead will never change. This is proven by the fact that subject VG, was awake till 3AM IST on Saturday, 23.Apr.2005, watching this movie, often found yelling - 'Sam Raimi is so frelling awesome' and 'Bruce Campbell is so frelling awesome'.
  3. Item 2, stated above, does not provide a complete appreciation of the subject VG's tastes. As is apparent, Cinema Paradiso produced quite a response in both data values.
  4. Subject VG's passion for scarlet, along with their dismal perfomance at the qualifiers of the San Marino Grand Prix was the major cause of the release of depression causing chemicals on Saturday night. This was in addition to the depression caused as realisation dawned on subject that he had lost count of the number of Saturdays spent alone at home.
  5. In support of Item 5, even a movie of the sterling nature of Pirates of the Caribbean was unable to raise the Fun Curve to safe levels.
  6. In what will go down in history as one of the best Formula 1 races ever, subject finds himself experiencing the peak of both curves for the time period's entertainment. Subject was spotted running around a certain nightclub in Bangalore, sporting a 'huge-ass' Scuderia Ferrari flag. This curious behavior, having started towards the latter portion of the race, only became worse when, taunted by a single Renault fan, subject caused quite a stir by asking for the tifosi in the house to gather around. A slight deflation of spirit was caused when the cute lady our subject was conversing with chose to leave for the night, only to rise much higher than before when, upon leaving, she sent a message to his mobile device, inquiring about his availability for dinner (will be covered in TR-334, hopefully, for time period t1=25.Apr.2005 to t2=29.Apr.2005).
In conclusion, we can see that certain aspects of the human condition (loneliness - apparent from the experience at the play, testosterone-ness - apparent from the experience with beer, fast cars and cute ladies) primarily govern the Fun and Quality Curve. Any discrepancies can be safely attributed to the medical condition referred to as 'being totally phucked in the head'.

Monday, April 18, 2005

51 syllables

A stuffy nose. Laziness coupled with post-lunch trauma. An impressive memory.

nightingale singing
fragrance like a warm blanket
a stolen pleasure

The haiku above is dedicated to a most wonderful, beautiful and interesting woman whom I have recently had the pleasure of meeting. A woman I cannot wait to get to know better.

emotional sounds
a rampage of love and faith
a shoulder to weep

The second one was written for a friend, who I think needs someone to sit her down and tell her how special she is. Anyone game for a cheer-up trip to Chennai ?

Friday, April 15, 2005

Walking the talk...

I had a rant planned about this very pretty girl I was sitting behind on the bus to work today. The rough wind though the windows, streaming through her wet hair, ushered in some sort of divine fragrance into the bus. I just sat there, behind her, wondering... I can’t seem to write about it, without sounding extremely desperate. I am not a poet. I think I shall leave that fragrant memory as it is. A fragrance.

I had a rant planned about Madras. About how much I love the place. About how much I miss the place. Was almost about to write about it, when I realized that’s its not as much Madras as I miss, as it is the people I knew when I was in Madras.

I have about 10 saved drafts in Blogger, but I don’t feel like working on any of them right now. Even more ideas in my little blogpost scratch pad.

In the end, just like this work week, it’s a case of thinking too much and doing very little.

A non-poetic, mis-informed, procrastinating, over-analyzer. Yep, that about sums it up.

Have a great weekend, y'all.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Worst post ever

  • The way I see it now, when you leave college, you leave behind the ability to make great friends. Friends-for-life kinda friends. As one such friend of mine put it, friends who would 'sit in traffic on Mount Road for you'. Well, maybe nothing that drastic, but great friends none the less. You gather acquaitances, you foster a bit of relationship with some people. The real deal is long gone, missed the boat and all that kinda stuff.
  • I figured out what I'm going to say to my son, lying on my deathbed -
    'Come... closer... closer... the treasure... its... the treasure... is buried... under...' *croak*.
    and/or
    'Come... closer... closer... your... your mother and... I... we never...' *croak*
  • I firmly beleive in The Uncertainty Principle. In life, you can never have any two things that you want, at the same time. The more you have of one, the less you have of the other. The more you look, the lesser are the chances that you will actually find what you started out looking for. 'Coz by that time either your idea of what it is that you want or the thing you are looking for, will have changed.
  • I have a heap of laundry to do. I have no clothes to wear next week. I went out and bought some more pants 'coz I ruined my favorite black work trousers. But I can't wear them, because those guys didn't fix the height... so back to soiled khakis for the rest of the week !
  • The second statement that I hold to be universally true is that at a high enough level of abstraction, everything is true. I have used this successfully in many technical and not-so technical discussions. Works like a charm to supplant that adage - if you can't convince them, confuse them !
  • I'm trying so hard now, it hurts. Trying hurts. Not trying hurts even more.
  • I have three bruises on my right hand, two on my left leg and one on my right knee. Most of them are because T beats me up too much. One is because she 'accidentally' dropped a scissor on my leg yesterday. The last is because I don't know how to stagefight nor do I know how to break my fall.
  • I had a third, I forget what it is now. So much for living with universal truths.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Busy busy

Been busy with this... do come and watch. I highly recommend it. Its coming along quite nicely.



Contact me if you are in Bangalore and need tickets. If you aren't in Bangalore and you still want tickets, contact me all the same ;)

Thursday, April 07, 2005

Warmth from 20 odd candles

In the pursuit of flowers. In the pursuit of colors. The feeling of feeling. Dreaming of dreams. Dreaming of Being. Does holding a handful of Sky, hide the Sun?

whoa, this pool joint is great. i tell ya, there were sooo many chiks there like u wouldnt believe. and guess who else was there ? i finally convinced LB 2 come with us. the guys were awesomely happy 2 have her around... if u get what i mean !!!! but yeah, its my birthday today !!! first one in college and all that... pardddy time !!! hope mom doesnt freak out at the curfew break again or something...hope G got da booze...

Perfectly alone. A complex structure built out of needles, crashing down. A senseless pile of needles. Concentration reveals patterns that are painful to recognize. Rebuilding is difficult, amidst the pricks of a thousand needles.

My first birthday with her. I cannot begin to tell you how great this feels ! Its perfect. The setting is perfect. My gift is perfect. The food is perfect. She is perfect. Life... is perfect. I don't think there is anything more that I could want right now. Anything more might actually ruin this. And I don't want anything to ruin this. Nothing.

Never being able to point to that exact moment that it came crashing down. Never being able to stop it. Never being able to hold on. With bleeding hands, never being able to let go.

This could be my last birthday with her. So much uncertainty, so much pain at parting. Whoever said all that bullshit about parting being sweet sorrow, was talking outta their arse. This sucks. So many things that were on both our minds during dinner. So many questions. So many unknowns. But we didn't say anything. We spoke about this and that. About life passing by.

Stirred by love. Moved by unkempt emotions. Intangible. Insurmountable. Moved by faith. Having faith in faith. Fear moves, as well as faith.

I'm still waiting for her call. This will be my last birthday away from her. By this time next year, I will be with her. I am going back home. To her. To my life.

What now ? Run ? Hide ? To find beauty in being alone. In just Being. Never to return again ? Never to see again ? Never to touch again ?

Beauty untouched by hand is cold. Warmth is what my soul craves. Warmth is what I need. A few candles in a cake.

Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday dear me,
Happy birthday to me.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

Thanks Neha !

Too tired for a full post...

Love from Google isn't what its cracked up to be.

Number one keyword search leading to my blog - vignesh.

Number two ? - nose digging.

Thanks, Neha !

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

For a Bawstonian who doesn't believe

Top Ten Reasons Kirk is better than Picard

10. Kirk never once, ever,wore a wiener wrapping Speedo banana hammock on shore leave.
9. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting ensign.
8. Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.
7. When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he MEANS it.
6. Three Words: Flying Leg Kick.
5. Picard's crew would never ever think of him as a sexual object.
4. Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
3. Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
2. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail.
1. One Word: Balls.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Pulling a Sagnik

Are plunging necklines called so, 'coz you want to plunge right into them ?

Har har har ! I made a funny ! I pulled a Sagnik !

What is it about me ?

Alright, I need help ! I need to figure this out.

Every individual of the opposite sex I have met (in real life) in the last 6 months has, within the first half hour of talking to me, evinced a clear, keen urge to inflict bodily harm on my person. Its usually stated as a smiling threat, as a funny proposition that would hurt a lot if carried out and in 2/5 cases has been carried out. Especially in the case of my 'akka', who takes immense pleasure in trying out her kickboxing lessons on me.

Today, though, was a record - in a matter of 20 minutes, this girl I had just met said, in all smiles -

"I wish there was a bucket of water around, so I could crash it into your head."

Zero buckets of water later, we proceeded to have a wonderful, hourlong conversation on all things Ray, filled with all sorts of witty, charming remarks from yours truly. If not for the fact that her dad was right there - already pretty upset with me for accidentally crashing my knee into his son, A's, family jewels - I would have proceeded to ask her her number.

Hmmm... maybe I can ask A for his sister's number !! Tricky !! Dangerous even. But not impossible !! As I said, I'm on a roll and there is very little that one cannot achieve when one truly believes one is experiencing said circular motion-ish sensations of coolness.

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Spreading the sweetness and light

I feel the need to apologize to the curious masses [well, maybe not masses, rather a few... well, alright, ONE !] who are wondering if I am back in Bangalore or still in the west. I realise that from my blog one would have no clue as to my whereabouts. This post shall make that all very clear in, what I hope, shall be an amusingly cute anecdotal sorta fashion.

Flight 9W 511, from Kolkatta to Bangalore, via Hyderabad. Thursday, 31st March, 2005. The cutest in-flight personnel I have ever come across. Ever.

Me: *standing near the loo, waiting for Large Man to exit, wondering if Cute In-Flight Person was doing serious damage to her hair with that tight-in-a-bun hairstyle*
Cuter-IFP: *walking down the aisle, lugging a kid, aged around 7 or 8* Now, you sit right here. Buckle up and call us if you need anything. *to the other IFPs* We have an un-escorted minor in 31 alpha.
Me: *to the Cutest-IFP* Hmmm... could I be an un-escorted major?
Cutest-IFP: *extremely cute, IFP-ish giggle* Why sir? You feel you need to be taken care of too?
Me: Yeah, am starting to feel pretty lonely on these flights.
*Large Man exits, I go into the loo. Will spare you the details of the next few minutes.*
Cutest-IFP: *me walking to my seat* Here you go, sir ! Enjoy your flight ! *handing me a coloring book and the JetKids pack*
Me: *not to be outdone at my own flirting game* Wooooww !! Just what I wanted... I'm all giggly with joy ! *run back to my seat and start coloring*
Cutest-IFP: *walking by checking transit passenger luggage, sees me coloring, with wax crayons* You must be kidding ! *visibly amused, with a smile that actually touches her eyes*
Me: Nope ! *best smile and all* I gotta beat 31 alpha at this, now don't I !

We take off and I am still coloring. And shortly thereafter, I think everyone but the cockpit crew came by to talk to me about the wax crayons and my love for coloring notebooks. I still cannot comprehend the number of jokes I made about coloring within the lines and following the sequence of numbers when I connect the dots (thanks Calvin !). Even the DropDeadGorgeous-IFP from Business Class came by and smiled, delivering a complimentary remark !

By the end of the flight, I had completed one section of the coloring book. Cutest-IFP was totally impressed with my perseverance, hovering about talking to me about all sorts of things.

Cutest-IFP: Its wonderful to have people like yourself on these flights, Vignesh *yes, we were on a first name basis by then* Its tough to keep smiling all the time, when you really don't mean it *wink* Helps a lot when we have people like you around !
Me: Thank you ! Though I have to admit, its really easy to be happy, especially around someone as cheerful and as charming as yourself !

It went on like this for a while. We discussed her flight schedules, and how her social life takes quite a beating because of that. We exchanged phone numbers and she said she would call if she was ever in Bangalore for more than an hour !

I would be awesomely surprised if she ever does. But that isn't the point. On a personal level for me this is me getting back to who I used to be. Before all the bad things started to happen. This was me in school - generally happy with life and not afraid to show it. This was me in college -not afraid of making a fool of myself, going out on a limb to do stupid stuff that I thought was fun. This is me healing.

I really should get back to reading more of Wodehouse. This spreading the sweetness and light business is good fun !

Friday, April 01, 2005

The Man On My Back

I had a different post planned for today. It needs a bit more work and I will post that sometime over the weekend. In the meanwhile, I was reading this and thought that I should share it with you. I initially read it close on the heels of writing this, but I didn't get my hands on the book in which it was published till now.

The Man On My Back

               The man on my back
               Hates my guts
               Gives me no rest
               Spurns all I love best

The man on my back
Tears my dreams apart
Ravages my heart
Give him enough rope
He'll strangle every hope

               The man on my back
               He's a killer
               Kills the boy in me
               And the man that would be;
               The man on my back
               My replica.

- Pradip Sen, published in 'And Then The Sun - poems by Pradip Sen' © 1960, 1975 Pradip Sen.