Quick draw synapses

Yes, relaxation. Sitting around on the balcony of an idyllic guesthouse, sipping my coffee, watching all these college kids stream past, one starts to reminisce one's wonder years.

Ahhh, yes. College. Such sweet memories of all those wonderful friends, of all those bunked classes, of all those times we hitched a ride on basically any available means of transport - be it bullock cart or flatbed trailer - to get back to civilization... ahh, yes, those we fun days indeed...

Synaptic Lockdown Mechanism HQ *alarm bells blaring* This is Gen. Grey Matter. Code Red everyone, the nincompoop is at it again, trying to fire the Forbidden Synapses. Sources tell me that we are in an alcohol deprived zone... We need to stop him before it gets too late... Battlestations everyone, battlestations !

...great friends, great times, indeed. I remember the time, L refused to bunk college coz it was too hot outside and me and P wanted to get to the city pretty bad. There was someone else there with us that day...

*red lights, sirens going off*
Lt.: Sir, he is getting too close.
Gen.: I know, Lt., I know.
Lt.: Sir, shall we initiate shutdown ?
Gen.: Not yet. Deploy Plan DD.
Lt.: Plan DD ! Are you sure, sir ?!?!
Gen.: Just do it, godammit !

... ahh, P. What a body ! Man I remember the time she was wearing that wonderful dress for the party at R's. Dancing with her was heaven in two cups of joy ! But I didn't go with her to that party... Who did I go with to that party ?

*Call from Hippocampus Command*
Command: Gen., we've held him off for as long as we can. He is right at our doorstep... We can't hold off these synapses for ever ! We need reinforcements !
Gen.: I'm givin it all I got, sir !
Lt.: We are losing him, sir ! It's too early to initiate shutdown !
Gen.: I know Lt., I know. What I wouldn't give for a sign of some vodka now !

... I went with ... her ! Goddammit !! Why did I have to think about her now ?!?!?! Damn you, brain !

*Death and destruction reigns, defeated, Gen. Grey Matter, lies bruised*
Rally the troops ! We were caught off guard today, he fired them Forbidden Synapses too darn quick. But someday men, someday, we shall prevail ! Time, shall show them axons for their true worth... revelling in memories long dead... move on men, move on. There are other days, other battles.

Ahhh...

Some unwind time... time to relax in a nice serene setting, take in the scent of the trees and the flowers. Have leisurely strolls with nothing but my own thoughts for company. For the most part it seems to be working. The restlessness seems to be ebbing away. I am finding these multiple trains of thought, rather enjoyable. I came up with a couple of neat ideas for the apartment, hit upon a new way of delivering a line I've been struggling with for a while, came up with two (count em, two !) somewhat decent pickup lines, atleast three ideas for blogposts and even managed to figure out something thats been bothering me a whole lot at work. You might even go as far as saying that this resting period is just what the doctor ordered. Nourishing to both body and mind, getting the juices flowing in just the right quantities.

And at the risk cementing in your minds that I have absolutely nothing to say, I shall finish with a quote, from a man who loves to spread sweetness and light as much as I love to receive it -

"The advice I give to every young man starting out to seek a life partner is to find a girl whom he can tickle." - Fredrick Altamont Cornwallis Twistleton, fifth Earl of Ickenham [Uncle Dynamite, P G Wodehouse]

powray kautha hawbay

After an eventful two days of the three day weekend and many good meals later, I slowly realise one inevitable truth about my life -I suck at packing. I always forget something - thanks to the zillion consumer electronics devices I carry, it usually ends up being a charger that I forgot. Not to mention the mismatched clothes I always end up with.

Anyways, I'm off to hobnob with the intellectual elite at IIT-KGP till the 31st. It is going to be unbelievably boring days of conferences, followed by what I hope will be good networking. One can only hope...

I shall miss you all, unbearably so.

Unconditional love

Thanks to the stupid mofos at BESCOM, I have been without electricty at my apartment for the last 4 days. They claim I haven't paid my bill... a receipt of which I deposited with them 2 days ago. Anyways, thanks to that, I've been getting three scrumptuous meals a day, at my aunt's place. There I was sitting there, reading my Uncle Fred Omnibus, when,

Periups (dad's elder brother): Look at this lazy lump, sitting there doing nothing useful. Come and help me iron my shirts. [Basically press the shirts, for my American readers, if there are any]
Me: Periups, I was actually thinking about asking you to iron mine.
P: Dei somberi [lazy bugger, in Tamil], when I was your age, your father and myself, we used to wash and iron your grandfather's clothes everyday before we went to college. And now you want me to iron yours ?
[Paternal granny walks in]
P: Amma, look at this boy, look at what he is asking me to do. He should be doing it for me and instead...
Granny: Yes, he just got back from a tiring day outside [This was Tuesday, the day I took off from work and was at a movie and later at Landmark. While my Periups had to go to work.]. Let him rest. Why don't you do that atleast for him ?
Me: *triumphant smile*
P: *looking at me, smiling* See, such is her love for you....

Yes, unconditional love rocks.

Lost in Lost in Translation

It was the first time I didn't want them to get together. Don't do it, I screamed. Don't do anything to screw this up. What you have now is far too precious to even risk losing. Don't touch her. Don't kiss her. Just be with her. Wonderful thoughts. Wonderfully subtle thoughts conveyed through brilliant acting and a way too pretty co star.

I walked out of the movie in a daze of sorts, thinking about nothing in particular. Thinking about all sorts of things. Thoughts totaling 42. I was cursing myself for not having asked my favorite literary person and yours for recommendations on a good book to buy.

It happened as I was experiencing the curiously enjoyable sensations one suffers when walking down a downward moving escalator. She was walking up the ascending escalator. I noticed her smile, losing myself in the moment for a good while, till I stumbled off the end of the horrid machine. She hadn't noticed me. Nor the stumble.

Later at Landmark, I spotted her again. By virtue of walking too close to a precariously balanced display of books, she tripped a box on the floor in which the said books arrived. This box in turn tripped the display, which promptly came crashing to the ground. She wheeled around and looked straight at me. I made it clear that it was indeed her fault, giving her my best 'Its your fault, but its ok' smile.

Me: Yup, they are going to make you buy all of them now.
She: *sweet smile*
Me: It was their mistake, for the really precarious arrangement.
She: *sweeter smile* Yeah.
Me: umm...
She: *sweeter yet smile, walking away*

I discreetly followed her for a while, but she didn't stop in any one section long enough for me to start a conversation. She left the store soon after that, leaving me to continue my hunt for that one book that I wanted to buy. I didn't know what it was, I was just looking.

I never found it, instead I settled for something I was comfortable with. Something I knew I was safe with. Something I knew.

An Uncle Fred Omnibus.

[ If the person who tripped the display of books at the entrance to Landmark, at The Forum in Bangalore on Tuesday afternoon, does read this, do get in touch with me. I would love to explain to you in more detail as to how all of that was not your fault ;) ]

Things I learnt over the weekend

• Surprising at it may sound, some auto drivers in Bangalore are actually nice human beings. So much so that it gets annoying. The guy who was driving me around on Sunday morning, stopped to follow every traffic rule, always let pedestrians pass and get this... even stopped when he spotted a stray dog, to feed it a loaf of bread. A new pack of bread, it wasn't something that he wanted to throw away, it was something he bought. For this purpose I guess. When the tab came to Rs.32.50 and I gave him a hundred, he gave me Rs.70 back. Wow !
• A finger wet with saliva, in my cousin's ear, still makes her do anything I want. Bring me more food, bring me more candy, give me your share of the plum cake... muhuhahahahhaha !!!
• Giving in to pedestrians, while driving, is a sign of weakness. Never display such weakness in public.
• Real estate agents are funny creatures. They seem to understand everything you say, when you say it. Then when it comes to utilizing that understanding, they see to completely forget what they previously seem to have understood. 'I want a two bedroom house for ten thousand' seems to translate to 'I want a single bedroom or three bedroom house for anywhere between five thousand to fifteen thousand'. I think I'm just going to have to clean out the single I have now and put up with it.
• I have to run, leaving this blog post abpruptly incom...

Summer of '96

As the song goes, it was the summer of love. My first love, M. In as much as the fond all-too-cutesey affections of two teenagers and the awkwardly tender yet oh-so-lovely touches, can be termed love. I had met her at a party about a year back, through a mutual friend, P. Now, P was a person beyond compare. She was the craziest coot I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. A tomboy to the last molecule of her existence, she and I have had more fun baiting other boys than I have the courage to tell.

Anyways, back to M and me. It goes to show the maturity (or the lack thereof) of the people involved in the relationship, when, over a period of a year of being together, you have NO fights at all. It was a blast... parties, sneaking out and catching a smoke, making sure the either both of us smoke or neither does (coz it used to... umm... intefere with the... tonguing) and all sorts of cute stuff like that. It was all very hush, hush though, acting all friends-like in public, couldn't keep our hands off each other given a moments privacy. All of us, me, P, M, S, Sr and G, got together and buried a time capsule in P's backyard. Come July 31st, 2016, its time to go dig !

Ahh... that was probably the best summer of my entire life. Looking back at the friends, looking back at the uncomplicated-ness of the all those relationships, it almost seems, like a different life. Like a different me. M left for Bombay at the end of that summer. She called me up on my birthday, 4 years later. That was the last I heard of her. I have thought about tracking her down many times after that, only to realise that... sometimes you have to let go, to really have.

To the person whose posts inspired this one, thank you. I'm talking to you. Yes, you.

Ephemeral

I spent the whole evening yesterday with one of my best friends. Catching up on the wonder years, telling tales to anyone who would listen about how he used to use his baby neices to attract the women in his street and about how I used to propose, down on one knee and all, to my lecturers, both male and female. I met happy people. I met two adorable couples, with two adorable kids. Each. I felt so warm and fuzzy deep down, that it almost made me cry. Everyone was great, the university is doing great. I might have started the ball rolling in a wierd way as far as my interactions with my alma mater go, but its rolling none the less. In all, a nice day. A productive day.

Victorious Roman emperors along with their generals, on their march into Rome, were greeted by festivites of magnificient grandeur. There would be dancers by the thousands, exotic animals from the vanquished lands, defeated enemies brought back as slaves surrounded by the fearsome legions of Rome. Amidst all this, rode the victorious general. Curiously, history has it, that a lone slave rode next to him. On the same chariot as him. Over the general’s head he held a garland of laurel, signifying victory. Into the general’s ear the slave repeatedly whispered a caveat: “All glory is fleeting. All glory is fleeting.”

The things my friends put up with

Vig: Im getting used to it... and even that scares me
Vig: getting used to loneliness is not something I want to do.
S: What rot... how long has it been since you charged your celly ? Thats usually a good indicator...
Vig: 3 days. I want to die.

A new kind of

Shes single. Shes smart. She has a great sense of humor. She has the prettiest eyes I have seen in a long time. And that smile, oh, what an infectious smile ! Being with her is great fun, we talk about all sorts of things and are totally comfortable with each other. We rag on each other so much, it gets on other people's nerves. She describes me as an overgrown teddy bear to her friends. And I can't stop telling people what wonderful fun she is.

Oh, and did I mention that I am totally, absolutely, completely un-attracted to her ? And neither is she (I hear the whole lot of you going, of course she isn't. Zip it, people) I call her 'akka' and she calls me 'thambi kutty' (Akka in Tamil means elder sister and thambi means younger brother).

It feels great to be able to make friends again. Feels great to meet someone and not go all on the defensive, building up all sorts of walls... not because you think they are upto something, but because you don't trust yourself. Because you don't trust yourself not to push too hard. Not to push for the wrong things. Not to love for all the wrong reasons.

Yes, readers, I do beleive the traumatic past months have left me pretty f8cked in the head, but... I'm getting there. Yup, I'm getting there.

What DID you DO !!

• People make you feel insignificant, insecure and incompetent, just by being who they are.
• A gecko jumped me as I was fishing for a box to keep the yummy plum cake my aunt baked. I screamed like a little girl.
• I finished organizing about 1% of my music collection. 30/3000+ songs.
  
• My friend said he would need to move into my apt, starting tonite, for about a month. I actually cleaned up the room for the dimwit and he hasn't shown up yet.
• I'm sitting shirtless on a cane chair. Its going to hurt when I get up.
• After looking at houses all over Bangalore for the whole day, I think I finally found one. It's on the fourth floor of the building I live in right now. I seem to remember a certain shepherd being in the same situation once...
• I am totally one for good ice cream making you feel better about all things in life. Bad ice cream on the other hand, makes me want to crawl into the nearest gutter and die. Hungry. And shirtless.
  
• I remember this street light, back in Chennai, on the street I used to live in. For two years, everytime and I mean, everytime, I walked under it, it would flicker and die. After I cross to a suitable distance, it would come back on. That was the first time someone truly, deeply disliked me. I've learnt to move on.
• I love my aunt's plum cake.
• It's was someones birthday on the 12th. I forget who. I am a bad person.
• Geckos run too fast for any insect repellant spray. A shoe works best.
  
• I miss too many people, too many things. Including Alf.
• If George Lucas f8cks this one up too, I will personally... well... I guess I will just suck it up and drink to the death of one the greatest science fiction sagas ever. Like the rest of the world.
  
• I was actually going to put up a different post but then when I started typing the title out, the auto-complete feature in Firefox threw this title up. Hence the post, inspired by a random string thrown up by my browser. And boy, does that show.
  

Zzzzip

I'm quite blank right now.

Nothing much to see here. Move along now...

Really.

Rush into a rut

In my hurry to make my life more interesting, after certain... ummm... bad things happened, I started getting involved with all sorts of things. Things that I never had the courage to do earlier, things that weren't even a part of me. I surprised myself with how bad I was at things I assumed I would be good at and shocked myself by being good at things I was sure I would suck at.

The initial high having worn off, now I feel stuck in a rut. Once again. A more entertaining, non-lonely, active rut. But a rut all the same. Keeping with my concert theme this week, think about entertainers. How must they feel ? They know they are enteraining us immensely with the music that they expertly perform, with the shows they stage, but what do they feel ? How do you find joy in playing the same tunes again and again and again ? Every day ? Every week ?

When do you stop ? And just enjoy what you have... nothing.

Looking in from afar

What do you see of a person from pixels arranged in a pattern ? What do you see when all you get as a peek into their lives is a few bits and bytes ? Can you see the love ? Can you see the life ? Can you see the laughter ? Can you see the loneliness ?

What do people in an airplane think when fly over a concert down below ? Can you see the rhythm ? Can you see the echoes of a thousand voices ? Can you see me ? Can you see me looking at you ? Do you want to join me ? Or are you busy going some where I can't follow ?

The Ministry of Mark Knopfler

I have been healed. Negotiations have gone well. I am under complete control of all my internal organs as of now. And I have Mark to thank for all that. With a little help from my medico cousin and doctor parents of course ;) I wish I knew enough about music, particularly his music to be able to write a review of the concert. Wish I could write down the tunes I heard last night, to make you, the reader, feel like you were there. Listening to a master at work. In the end, I guess, all I'm going to say is that for a man with a bad throat, sipping 'indian tea' all the while, he did a mighty fine job !

One other fronts, this week is shaping out to be hectic. Rehearsals everyday evening. Project meetings with P all days of the week. This means that I will probably have to be at work at like 7:30 am or something to make up. Where is the snooze button on life ?

The healing power of music

My internal organs are very upset with me because of something I ate on Saturday. They staged quite a revolt all of yesterday. And the revolution has not been quieted as of now. No amount of liquids and related mild food groups seem to help. Am currently in negotiations with my tummy, to calm down so I can go listen to Knopfler tonite. And be healed.

Please, tummy, I promise, no more Bacardi for another week. Promise...

Resonances

CA: Kill them all. Kill the sons of swine.

Destruction. Its from within. Slow, at a snail's pace. A snail that is eating away your soul as it ambles along. Making sure that what is left, looks like a whole, but is poised to crumble at the slightest touch.

C3: Traitors. You are a family of traitors.

You see faces as you walk by. Faces that you think resemble your own, not knowing that it is this thought that changes your face to match what your eyes see. Happy faces. Sad faces. Faces that you are sure are hiding too many things. Faces in love. Betrayed by your own senses, you keep walking.

R: I need to protect them.

There are always needs. Some are vicious. Some aren't. Most are. He needs to organize. His thoughts. His life. His needs are baseless. He needs to be needed. The needs of a restless mind. Emotional sponges, as she calls them.

M2: Don't leave us alone. They will kill us. Don't throw us out.
CA: Throw them out.

Alone. So very alone. Why the decision to throw him out ? Going against the script that he thought the cosmos had written for them, why ? Why listen to the mob outside their world ? Why could they not stay within their own ?

R: We ?
CA: We who are right.
R: And they ?
CA: And they who are wrong.
       Since we are right.
A: What are you trying to prove ?

Prove. Yourself. To yourself. To everyone. Does it matter ? Who is right, who is wrong ? What is right, what is wrong ? Indifference. What is lost in the process of proving what is right and what is wrong ? Atleast, that should matter. Shouldn't it ? Does it ?

6 years in 28 minutes

There you are, going through life, looking at old photos, thinking about friends you aren't in touch with, lusting for a time long gone. You sit there wondering if anything can possibly happen to put that spark of life back into you. Wondering if anything will ever happen, that will make you smile. Smile from deep within, grinning from ear to ear. Laugh out loud. You almost give up hope. And that's when it happens. Life decides to throw a huge soft pillow right at your head and when you turn around, you see a big smile and hear a big 'Gotcha !!'.

My name is Prasanna Vignesh Ganesan. To anyone following this, it should be all too clear where I'm headed. But I shall re-live the wonderfully quirky events of yesterday once again, more for my own pleasure than yours !

LadyK and I, have a history. It is quite amazing to see two people, meeting randomly in the backwaters of the blogging world, in the most accidental of ways, and realising that they indeed know each other. Really now, how small is this world ?

Myself and VB used to trip her with this other guy, R, who was also a participant in the IIT-JEE charade. She feels extremely amused at the fact that a guy who never spoke to her for the duration of the year we took those classes, now considers himself a fan of her writing. I have to agree, its very quaint, and very, very funny. I haven't stopped smiling since this whole thing started last night :)

I think that this is life telling you something. Its life asking you to realise the things that you miss out on. The people that you miss out on. The chances that you lose. And the chances that you get. She and her friend, apparently, used to refer to me as a geni-ass ;) Be that as I may, LadyK, I'm not missing out on chances a second time around.

Heres to being a fan and being a friend. Heres to 6 years lost and regained in a wonderful 28 minutes.