Tuesday, September 06, 2005

How many legs does an elephant have ?

In the end, all it took was an elephant.

Landing up at Ernagoolam Town after a 12 hour train journey, we were hustled into a cab and on the way to some of the hot spots of God's Own Country. Exciting as it was, it was also warm and tiring and sweaty. The company wasn't all that great either, but we did see some really pretty colors.


The parties started with dandia. I cannot dandia. I just can't. It's like some inherent incapability to do anything un-swordsman like when given two long sticks to play with. I slash. I jab. I go for the shin. I don't dandia. Most of the party was spent trying to find a nice corner to sneak to and smoke my Gudam Garams. And trying to get a nice long look at this.

All this while, the meetings and greetings and minglings and jinglings with new people and friends and family of the bride had all been quite, oh what shall we say, without any solid basis to bond on. It was just Oh Hello, Oh Hi, Oh Right Ho kinda greets. Afraid of saying the wrong thing, afraind of saying too much, not knowing what was proper and what wasn't. You know, the kinda stuff that happens when a completely random group of people are thrown together in a posh service apartment in Cochin.

The wedding, as might have been gathered, was a prrrOper Mallu affair. Lots of Gelf money, Gelf gold, Gelf cars and Gelf uncles and aunties. They even got married in a place called Oman Hall. Very swanky cars pull up to the entrance. Swankier aunties get out of them, followed by dripping with wealth uncles. And as per traditional requirements, there was the elephant. A nice, big strapping fella, with fully formed ivory white tusks. As the people pull up to the entrance to the hall, they are greeted by the sight of this magnificient creature.

Very soon, we were all huddled somewhere near the entrance waiting for the bride and groom, with some other boys who were also the bride's friends. General chit chat, about the weather and traffic in Bangalore abounded. And thats when one boy noticed that our friend the elephant, was getting a bit excited. Well, when I say bit, I mean very. And by that I mean very, very. In a matter of minutes, he was well on the way to touching the ground. Looked like a fifth leg and all. Well endowed, dont-need-no-spam-email-ads kinda well endowed. And that was all it took. For 5 boys who have never met previously, to become best buddies for the next couple of days. An elephant with a massive hard on. I can only imagine the plight of the more refined members of the gathering, having to greet guests, trying to avert eyes from the 'something not quite right' elephant !

And I do beleive we broke some kinda record with them elephant jokes over the next few days. About how the little kids would go from the wedding, all confused as to how many legs an elepahnt really did have. And about how it made all the men around reconsider Shakeela being the best Mallu Land has to offer. And about how the bride should really be considering this as a good omen. And so on... later in the night, after a point where it was getting to be a bit too much, we had to agree to a bloodoath to stop telling each other elephant jokes. At which point, we started SMSing each other them jokes.

But in the end, much fun was had, and they looked gorgeous.


Oh and the answer is 4.

PS: All these photos are courtesy of this boy, since my Canon has decided to quit on me.

31 Comments:

At September 06, 2005 1:40 PM, Blogger Golden Words said...

just testing if ur "no-comments..yet" thing changes after the first comment..

 
At September 06, 2005 1:42 PM, Blogger Golden Words said...

hey it works :P.. and the wedding sounds like fun.. :)..

 
At September 06, 2005 4:42 PM, Blogger Rahul said...

positively hillarious! and good camerawork too. But how did you manage to make the aunty hazy. Isn't she about the same distance from the shutter as the couple???

 
At September 06, 2005 9:45 PM, Blogger sajith said...

Hmmph. Look at the... smugness.

The next thing to do is to get a video of Vignesh and morph it to look like mallu pr0n with Shakeela. That should be sufficient warning.

 
At September 06, 2005 10:33 PM, Blogger Archster said...

nice post there Vig! funny too

well worth the wait :)

 
At September 07, 2005 12:59 AM, Blogger Grafxgurl said...

great pic of the sky. very juicy color!

 
At September 07, 2005 2:18 AM, Blogger kr!sh said...

LOL!

I saw a five leg elephant during my childhood and I remember that I couldn't sleep for a couple of days! That one was one heck of a hung elephant..

 
At September 07, 2005 5:45 AM, Blogger Tom said...

Ah, Ernakulam Junction.... So many memories.

Um, well not really but I remember being there to visit relatives a handful of times.

I don't even remember the last time I attended a traditional Indian wedding. It must have been real long ago... when folks had to eat on banana leaves... Getting the curry not to find it's way to the floor was quite the trick.

Thanks for getting me thinking... Keep up the good work.

 
At September 07, 2005 6:02 AM, Blogger Sujatha said...

Good one Vignesh. Very funny. Awesome pics.

 
At September 07, 2005 6:04 AM, Anonymous Maddie said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I haven't laughed like this for so long! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I just had a good laugh after reading something on the net, added it to my post too, and now you had to go and write this--this--unabashedly howlarious thing!

I was about to go, 'WOW' at the golden clouds picture, but I couldn't after reading the entire post. WOOWOOWOO is more like it now.

Hahahahahahaha. That was good, man. Damn, I'm going to be giggly when I see an elephant now. Hahahahaha!

 
At September 07, 2005 6:05 AM, Anonymous Maddie said...

And oh, name changed on popular demand. Hahahahaha!

 
At September 07, 2005 10:01 AM, Blogger Shrutz said...

heh
Poor Vig
Scarred for life

 
At September 07, 2005 12:28 PM, Blogger eM said...

Now I know why I'm still single!! I've met the wrong species!!! :)

 
At September 07, 2005 9:57 PM, Blogger Pink said...

hehe! Sounds like a good trip alright! One questions about that picture of the sky though.. is that the real colour or did you touch it up on photoshop? It's gorgeous.

 
At September 07, 2005 9:58 PM, Blogger Khushee said...

Lol :)

 
At September 07, 2005 10:40 PM, Blogger Rat said...

Sounds like lots of good old mallu fun.

 
At September 08, 2005 1:13 AM, Blogger Swathi said...

elephants,Shakeela,Mallu land -lol! u do manage to have hilarious adventures!

 
At September 08, 2005 3:42 AM, Blogger Mandar said...

hey, nice pics.. and looks like the wedding was a lot of fun!

 
At September 08, 2005 4:06 AM, Blogger Raj said...

The pachyderm was only showing everyone how happy it was for the newly weds. Did you expect it to clap?! (You missed out the mahout and 'The Rising' jokes but save that for another post).
Brilliant work, my son.

 
At September 08, 2005 4:37 AM, Blogger Primalsoup said...

I am following you??????
Don't think I didn't notice that! Hmmph!

 
At September 08, 2005 6:01 AM, Blogger jax said...

Hahaha..The Ele must have been phantasising about that 3600-2800-3600 babe!!

Why were your doing the Dandiya in Ernakulam!!? :-O You should have
tried Mohiniattam da!!

 
At September 08, 2005 12:38 PM, Blogger Kumari said...

Hilarious :D
How come all this always happens to you?
September has come and u should be here not in Mallu land :)

 
At September 08, 2005 9:47 PM, Blogger Penny Lane said...

Dandia in Kerala? Interesting...

 
At September 09, 2005 9:17 AM, Blogger Vignesh said...

GW: You question Javascript skillzzzz !! That too stolen Javascript !!

Rahul: Umm... yes, she was. Its the magic of blurrrr effects in Picasa !

Sajith: Smug only boy ! Ha ! Mallu pr0n cannot afford the likes of my talent ;)

Archiebald: Thanks !

Grrl: Scrumptuous, no !

Krish: You sure it wasn't Brandy !?!? :)))

Thom: Glad to have brought back a few memories !!

Sujatha: Many thankgss !

Maddie : First off, welcome back Maddieeee ! Heh, quite happy you seem to beeee !!

Shrutz: But then again, how do YOU manage ? What with living there and all !?!? :)))

eM: ewwwww... remind me to send you some videos...

Lavi: No, no... no touch. All real. God promise.

K: Heh !

Rat: Umm.. you OBVIOUSLY have a different notion of good ol'mallu fun !!!!

Swathi: Whats the difference ?!?! :))

Mandar ! Welcome back ! I thought your advisor had swallowed you !

Raj: Heh. Raj.

Soups: HA ! So the very fact that you saw that comment means you ARE following me no !!! Gotcha !

Jax: Very true ! Or more fun would have been kathakaleeeee ! But what to do... there were sticks only...

LadyK: Ahh.. Did I say September ? I meant October :)

Penny: How so ? Does no one in Kerala dandia ? :)

 
At September 11, 2005 9:23 PM, Blogger Anita said...

the canon folks are in indiranagar on cmh road. i don't have the number on me right now, but i can give you the directions. from the 100 ft/cmh junction take left if coming from airport side. go down along the road till you cross hdfc bank on the left. it's the first building on the same side after the left. it's on the 2nd floor. will try and get the number for you tomorrow.

 
At September 12, 2005 11:59 PM, Blogger Anita said...

here's the number: 25295611/51153198

hanuman complex, 2 cmh road, opp new shanti sagar hotel, indiranagar.

 
At September 13, 2005 12:32 AM, Blogger Vignesh said...

Anita: You da best !!! *hugs* Next time I spot you, the celeb blogger, somewhere, drinks on me !! :)

 
At September 13, 2005 4:51 AM, Blogger Tartrazina said...

gawd that was hilarious!!! glad i dropped by here, tho' its been a while!

 
At September 13, 2005 5:58 AM, Anonymous maddie said...

Gizmo boy, you've been tagged. Check and do the needful.

 
At September 13, 2005 10:15 PM, Blogger jax said...

dude, is that a long elephant hair on your profile pic?? :)

 
At September 16, 2005 10:30 AM, Blogger littlecow said...

This was hilarious! What excited the elepahant though? Now, when people watch the marriage video, wonder if the background music will encounter a full hall filled with silence...

 

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