Monday, July 04, 2005

Dream a little dream of me

The parents have left. The house is all clean, everything is tidy, in its right place. As soon as they left, I felt an irresistible urge to do something about all that tidiness. I picked up some dirty laundry and threw it over my bed. There. That's more like it. Like my life. I don't like re-genesis. I don't like the shiny floor. I don't like the organized cupboards. I liked the nightmare of a dirty apartment. All this does now is to make me realize how worse off the rest of my life is.

I sat next to her today, on the way to work. Her hair was wet again, the fragrance as divine as ever. The smell was so thick, I could almost reach out and touch it. If I had, it would have had a nice, soft, moss-like feel to it. Herbal. Natural. She shied away from the sun. I wondered if I should ask if she wanted to swap seats. I didn't. I've been sitting behind her occasionally, for the last few months. Today, I sat next to her. And felt sad, at a dream which had ended.

It's never easy to tell someone, that sometimes, love just can't be. Should I try? "Its not that I don't love you. I do. In my own limited way. Its just that I can't. We can't. And you know it." Does that make me sound like a creep? Does that make me sound like a heartbreaking bastard who doesn't deserve the attention he gets from this marvelous woman? Does that make me sound like someone who just doesn't want to wake up from that dream ?

Rude awakenings. I hate waking up from dreams. I hate new beginnings.

19 Comments:

At July 04, 2005 3:04 am, Blogger Samudraa said...

:( the new beginnings aren't necessarily bad vig.....

 
At July 04, 2005 3:36 am, Blogger forgetful hearer said...

hey vigs,
just a random comment from a random fren.
coz it happenned to me..
coz that hurt..
coz i want to say this...
"Its not that I don't love you. I do. In my own limited way. Its just that I can't. We can't. And you know it."
one cannot love in a limited way.

 
At July 04, 2005 3:52 am, Blogger Vignesh said...

Samudraa: Hmm.. maybe they are, maybe they arent.

FH: Very true. But you have to do something with those emotions na, when you know it not going anywhere ? Why not strangle them a bit, restrict them ? Limit them ? Am I just a guy in thinking that this is alright ?

 
At July 04, 2005 5:32 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

dont strangle them...cherish them just as they are... no more.. no less.. but be happy in the thought that you gave your all in those few shreds of pure happiness...

and you will know that you are loved.fr always.


S

 
At July 04, 2005 7:18 am, Blogger Mangs said...

Now about that girl on the bus...

 
At July 04, 2005 3:21 pm, Blogger Jay said...

LOL - Mangs is gonna bitchslap you!

 
At July 04, 2005 10:39 pm, Blogger Mangs said...

oh nooooooo way!! cmon!! what i really meant was that maybe V should follow up with the girl on the bus and get talking to her since she's pretty and has nice-smelling hair (a good enough reason) and maybe things will work out there. Very funny Jay, very verrrry funny. HMPH.

 
At July 04, 2005 10:53 pm, Anonymous Mandar said...

well... for a moment there, i found myself agreeing with jay. :p

vigs, about the dirty apartment bit, i completely empathize with u, my friend. after living in absolute harmony with dirty laundry and cob-webs for over 4 years, i moved to my parents' place recently... and the "hitlerism" of it all makes me wanna cry! :(

anyways, about the second bit of ur post...

limiting emotions? really not sure about that. r u? can we really limit emotions? or should we? i think its a very pertinent point u made to FH above. but howz it gonna work? i dont think its anything short of being in full control of our own lives... which is a very difficult thing.

anyways, tell us more about the beautiful woman, man!! dont just sit there and think about her. go ahead and do something!! :)

 
At July 04, 2005 10:58 pm, Anonymous Mandar said...

and the reason i said its very difficult to be in "full" control of our lives:

one's life is an open system. its behavior cant be described by just its intrinsic characteristics. interaction with an unknown and dynamically evolving set of variables makes it what it is - unpredictable. life cant be modeled by a Turing Machine! there are so many other facets to it. life is a maximalistic system - anything can happen unless it is explicitly forbidden... and i dont think one has powers to forbid events in one's life. what say?

 
At July 04, 2005 11:40 pm, Blogger Swathi said...

hey Vigs,
my only crib is y do i alwayz seem to luv in an unlimited way !

well that scent of hair - i cud almost smell it! yaa girl's hair alwayz smell as heavenly as guy's aftershave lotions :))

 
At July 05, 2005 2:01 am, Anonymous Ostrich said...

Who was it who said something to the effect of- if someone doesnt love you the way you want them to, it doesnt mean they love you with all they got?! :)

Clichéd, but sometimes clichés work... cheesy as they are! :)

 
At July 05, 2005 3:59 am, Blogger Rat said...

New beginnings can be great !!

 
At July 05, 2005 11:10 am, Blogger eM said...

I on the other hand, have been having awful nightmares, so waking up has been a relief over the past couple of days.

Still, I feel your pain and all that :)

 
At July 06, 2005 8:52 am, Blogger Senthil said...

Wot zis? Icarus is afraid to fly????

 
At July 06, 2005 10:01 am, Blogger Vignesh said...

S: *big sigh*

Mangs: Hehehehe... look what Jay said !!!

Jay: Hahahahahh !!!!

Mangs: Did you see what Jay said ?!?!?!

Mandar: You gonna get it from her too ! Open systems and laws of entropy not withstanding, power to forbid events is there. For sure. I have lots to say on this.. so I think I might as well write a post about it !!! :)

Swathi: Yes ! Im planning on going late to work again in the hopes that she will be around again ;)

Ossie: Hmm.. true and not true at the same time. How is it that stuff you say usually ends up like that ?

Ratsy: Yeah, but only sometimes though ;)

eM: Thankoooo !!

Senty: Ha ! I have no more wax, thats more the story !!!

Somehow, that just sounds disgusting...

 
At July 08, 2005 12:37 am, Blogger Vishnu said...

They say the love stuff (can i say that?i mean 'love stuff'???) hits you when you are completely unprepared.I was making good progress with the number of crushes going in a Geometric progression,every day.And suddenly,one single crush hit me out of the blue.Luckily,i lost only 5 days thinking about it and finally confessed.

Now iam back to Square 2.Still in search of crushes.And the "love stuff".

 
At July 08, 2005 10:51 am, Blogger Sagnik Nandy said...

very nicely written.
you should tell the girl what you feel man - straight from the heart - "baby - wanna make a baby?"

 
At July 09, 2005 11:19 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

y dont u do sumthin abt that gal before N???

-u no hoo :)

 
At October 04, 2005 10:00 am, Blogger The Home Theater Wizard said...

Wow, I was just messing around and found your page!
Very nice.
If you are interested, go see my Aftershave related site.
It isnt anything fancy but you might still find something of interest.

 

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