Sunday, August 31, 2003

I was in a car, driving back home today with a couple of friends. Bored and tired, just staring out the window. Looking at cars passing us by. Looking at the faces of the people driving them. Have you ever looked at people driving by you ? Ever looked at them looking at you ? Its an pretty wierd feeling.. eerie and stuff. Most of em are in conversation, some of em are humming songs or something like that. Others have a look of ... I don't know how to describe it. We saw this one guy, who I was sure was going to kill someone... not bad driving or anything, he had that look on his face. Demented was the word that jumped to mind ! All sorts to make the world huh....

Anyways, we all went rafting yesterday. It was great fun ! The only part that wasn't fun was the part when our boat capsized and we were all in the chilly water ! I don't know how to swim and my worst fear is drowning ! So... it was pretty rough then ! We all got back on the raft and pulled ourselves together and got going. After that we were a dynamic efficient paddling machine ! We took on all the rapids after that head on ! And came out swimmingly well !! Woohoo !! It was great fun ! My arms hurt like hell, we rafted for almost 8 miles ... which was almost 5 hours ! It was intense... but man was it fun !! Pigged out at Olive Garden and got back home and slept for some 10 hours !!!

One of my roomates has close family nearby and lives a parasitic life, feeding off them most of the time. I guess Im just jealous that I don't have relatives that care that much or take this much effort to make you feel comfortable. They are really really nice people and have fed most of us, his friends, a lot of times ! Todays dinner for example !

I have to go and finish some work for the day, haven't accomplised much. Lots of stuff to do tomorrow. Get some furniture for the new apartment... its bare... and sleeping on a bad sleeping bag for more than a week is a bad idea. Especially with smelly shoes in the same room. I think I will hide them in my roomies room today... *evil grin*.

Thursday, August 28, 2003

After my meeting today, I think a blog for research is a totally kewl idea. I come across so many new ideas and so many different styles of thinking at school here, that I think I've already lost a years worth of this... I should have done this a long time ago. Not yet, I don't have the time for it now, but I will soon be starting a blog for the work that I am doing here. I bet that would be get updated more frequently than this one ! :)

So I was walking along today, and this dude comes up to me and says, you are Vignesh right.. and Im like.. Yup ! Thats me. And he just looks at me. Nothing. He didn't say anything after that. I had no clue who he was, and I didn't know what to say. He was just looking at me.. expecting me to say something... and I was like.. umm dude... whats up ! He finally broke out of the trance (!) and introduced himself. A friend of a junior of mine from back home and all that jazz. Good fer ya buddy, welcome to the least pardy place in the Continental United States. Have fun... and off I went to go grab a sub.

I wish I played some sport well. I don't play anything well enough. I dabble in a lot of em, but don't play any of em really well. That's always been a long standing blogrant, that I don't/can't do anything really really well. Its true, but lets not get into that now... Why this comes up now... is that after a tough day... thats like the perfect way to unwind. I remember how great that shower after a good couple of hours of cricket used to feel. Maybe I should just go out for a run... yeah... that should be a good deal.

The ECE Grad Org. has a big Fall Picnic coming up and we had a meeting about that today. I might not be able to attend because I have a class on that day. The problem with this class is that attendance is mandatory. The class meets only 6 times during the whole sem.. because the guys who teach it are two of the best in the world and hence are extremely busy. It puts me in a fix, should I ditch the class and head out for a day of pure fun or go to a class that is taught by pioneers ? Hmmm.... decisions.... decisions.... decisions....

A good run will sure help right about now....

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

Wow... I didn't know classes would take this heavy a toll this early in the semster. I can only await in mortal fear as to what the rest of the semester holds.

I think I've finally managed to settle my courses. There is still one more that I am eyeing, don't know if I can get into that one yet. Have to wait it out for a while, act like I'm not interested, so as to distract the crowd... and then shimmy off to that class ! Muhuhahahah !!!!

I've been working on probelm sets for the class I'm TAing. Came up with a nice question based on one of my favorites classical problems in calculus, the Brachistochrone Problem. Its a really nice little proof and the idea is really really cool. Atleast I think so ! So am gonna be bothering some poor unsuspecting students with this very soon !

Things on campus are fine... one of my really good friends is in a relationship now, and as usual, the whole bunch of us feel that she isn't giving us as much of her time as she used to, before the relationship. I guess its understandable, heck, I used to do it a lot ! So I shouldn't be the one to complain ! But still, me and her, we are really close, and I got one phone call after coming back ! I think an abscence of three months demands a bit more than one phone call ! She usually busy with either work or with him, so I don't feel like distrubing em a lot by calling or anything ! Both of em are really really good friends of mine, so please, readers, don't think I'm bitching about em. I know they have gained a lot, but I can't help feeling a tiny pinprick of loss.

Today was a really hectic day and since its still the first week of classes, everyone is attending everything, sampling classes and all that. I went to all sorts of em today, golf, squash and a philosphy major class called Rational Choice. It turned out to be a damp squib, coz it was totally contrary to its philosophical standing and was all mathematical and stuff. Game theory and rationalisation and that kinda stuff. No sir, definitely not my cuppa joe.

Have an assignment that I need to complete and have some papers to read for my meeting with my advisor day after. Shall go do just that... after dinner. Yumm ! Subway !!

Saturday, August 23, 2003

All of my life I have told people not to expect too much out of others. That way, you are never disappointed with them, the wine and trade flow smooth. Of late, I'm realising that I don't do that myself. I expect people to behave a certain way, towards me, towards each other. And when they don't it gets to me. Really really gets to me. As was apparent from my previous post. Anyways, Im over it now. As much as I can be, about an apartment that is a basement dungeon, the ceiling barely a foot over my head, a fridge that becomes full with a six-pack, no ventilation, creaky ceilings and noisy neighbors. Well, as I said, can't expect smart people to be smart about anything but mathematics and computer security. Welcome to Carnegie Mellon.

Other than that, things are returning to the usual univ lifestyle. Met my professor and decided on my future research and all that. I think I will be maintaining a blog about that soon. Detailing the project in its various stages. That would be a good way to make sure that I stick to a schedule and am clear about documenting the plan. Also met my other professor for the TA - now this math class is going to be fun. I remember how when I learnt Fourier transforms and series and complex analysis, I were never shown what they are used for and how powerful they really are... like I went through most of my Fourier wondering wtf all this crap was. But eventually, when I hit Digital Signal Processing, it was like a state of pure zen. I understood all. The pure power of the Fourier Transform. The beauty and elegance of solving a system of differential equations using complex analysis. By then it was too late of course... I already hated the math. Not because of the math itself, but because of the fact that the engineer in me wanted a reason for its existence. And impatient as he is, decided to ignore the math when a reason was not provided.

They do things a bit differently here, teach em the enginnering bits right along side the math. That way, students understand the power of the tools that they are learning and can appreciate what we are trying to tell them. I wish someone had told me that.

My apologies to the non-engineers who read this and wonder what I'm raving about.

Thursday, August 21, 2003

Life is like a box of chocolates... crazy, dirty, crappy, bitter chocolates that are not only fatty but might kill ya. Scratch the might. They will. If that doesn't exaplin how I'm feeling right now, hear this... If I hit lower than I have right now, I would be on the other side of the freaking planet.

Situations are too complicated to explain, people are messed beyond words. Maybe its me thats messed beyond words. I just don't want to talk about it now. Focus on work and get everything else out of my mind. I have to keep telling myself that if someone else, even if it is everyone else, wants to be that way, they can all go to hell. I'm here to learn, I'm here to experience... and if they don't want to be a part of my experience, and don't want me to be a part of theirs ... well ... f*** them then.

I sound so bitter, I sometimes wonder who I am these days. This place has changed me. Totally. I said that to my mom once and she was shocked. She couldn't believe that anything could change her Chinni boy, either in a good way or otherwise. But it has. I have changed. And I think its for the worse. Only time and whole lotta Norah Jones will tell.

Bye bye Minneapolis, it was wonderful and thanks for all the fish.

I'm back Pittsburgh. You are a bitch, but I plan to make you MY bitch. I will.

Monday, August 18, 2003

This is the second time I've almost completed my post and then decided it was too stupid to click the button on. Here goes ver2.0.

"[referring to the end of the universe]... There on one corner of the street was a Starbucks. And across the street from that Starbucks, in the exact same building as that Starbucks... There was a Starbucks. I looked back and forth thinking the sun was playing tricks with my eyes, but there it was... a Starbucks across the street from a Starbucks. And that my friends, is the end of the universe.".
--- Comedian Lewis Black, Comedy Central Presents 2002.

That man is one of the best. You really should listen to the whole rant to realize the true import of his teachings. My take on all this is simple, its just coffee. Its just freaking coffee. I love coffee. I can't live without coffee. But I have to admit, this is getting out of hand. I feel intimidated in one of those places. And I'm from south India. Chennai ! People in Chennai cannot start the day without the kaapi. And this has been since the dawn of time. Where was I going with all this... ah yes, the proliferation of the governments latest ploy to take over the world, Starbucks. This is insane... I'm not making much sense here... this entry is not funny even with quotes from Lewis Black. That, my friends, is the end of this blog post.

Sunday, August 17, 2003

Wow ! I think today was my laziest day ever ! I did nothing, absolutely nothing, the whole day. I think thats fair, given that I get back to school this week, and I don't think I will have another Sunday with NOTHING to do till sometime in December. On that note, if you will excuse me, I have nothing to do.

Saturday, August 16, 2003

Complex analysis sucks. I didn't like it the first time around, and I sure as hell don't like it now. I'm bored, I don't want to watch MIB again. I need to find something inspiring to cook. By that I mean something other than Ramen. Saturday night, woo hoo hoo, ta da da dum....

Friday, August 15, 2003

Has anyone ever died on reality television ? For example, the people who look soooooo shocked when they come back to find their houses remodelled or when they find some queer guys in their house ... have they ever just popped a vein ? Just like, seen their new bedroom, all nice and neat and painted, and just like died on the spot ? BAM ! I wonder...

I had some grunge to do today at work, other than that, I had to re-learn my math. For the TA next fall. Math. Anything but math. I can hear my math professors from undergrad, laughing at me now. How I wish I had paid more attention in class !

Damn, I lost my train of thought... this article distracted me. On a side note, if you haven't read Accidental Empires by Robert X. Cringely, you really should.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

I'm just feeling terribly lazy today. I kinda had the last day at work today, group lunches, pats on the back, please apply for full time hints all over. Yeah, if only they really meant it ! I've had a great time here, great summer, good work, better fun. My manager was being all chummy and stuff... till I told him how I messed up and ran the project over by almost 20 hours !! Hehehe... he didn't like that too much, guess why I left it for the last day ? I have to go to the office tomorrow and some of next week, but that is just more of some knowledge transfer, reports, paperwork and cleaning up the mess that is my workplace.

Work begins, I have stuff to do already. Time to brace myself for another semester at grad school, courses, projects, meetings, TAing, job hunting, interviews... Can I please have another summer ? Please ?!?!?

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

I have faith. I have belief in a higher power. I don't believe in too many things supernatural. I do believe in life on other rocks. Given all that, I'm not a very religious person. I drink, I have tried certain things that I shouldn't never try again. Does any of this make me less religious, or should it make me any less acceptable to my religious peers ? People who believe in strict laws of an organised religion. Are they really religious ? Some of them are, some of them are a sham. Why do so many people care so much about their opinions ? Do I ? In the presence of certain religious factions, I have felt something that a good friend calls the persons aura. Was it just my imagination ? They can say what they way, preach what they preach, do what they do. That affects things around me, my parents and their generation. Does it affect us ? Should it ? Are we defying our culture, our heritage if we aren't affected by it ? If we are affected by it ? Can they decide what faith is, what faith should be ? What we can and can't do because of the beliefs that we are supposed to belong to ? Does it affect what we believe ? Can we still live our lives as we want to, hold onto values that we want to hold onto (within certain limits of course) ? Can we still have our own faith ? Our own individual identities ?

I still have mine. I have faith.

Update: Remember the bit of news that I was gonna tell you ? Well, things didn't work out so, there ain't much to tell. So ... it wasn't just a stickness ploy !! As someone suggested !

Tuesday, August 12, 2003

I started blogging about something, scratched it out half way. I'm sure I have some form of attention deficiency.

Im blank right now. You know, totally blank. I have nothing to say. Not nothing as in, I have something to say, but just am not able to say it. Or as in not beign able to put it into words. Or maybe not being able to get it out from the synaptic recesses of my stomach. Its just blank. You know, the kinda blank that settles upon you when you really really have to finish work. Right now. Immediately. Pronto. That Blank. But its not like I have to do this now. I can do it later, blog later. I can do something else now. Something that can be done irrespective of the fact that I'm blank. Like watch TV. Read someone elses blog. You know, there are some really good blogs out there. People blog about everything. Whatever comes to mind. Things as crazy as what my cat did today and others such as, what my cat didn't do today. I digress. Where was I, Ah yes, I was blank.

Now, blank is not a feeling. Its a state of mind right, its just blank. The actual meta-physical explaination of being blank is something that eludes me at the moment. That's probably because I'm blank right now. Thats loopy, like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. See, I never understood that. What is harder than a rock ? Steel ? Well, whats a big block of steel doing next to a rock ? Steel isn't natural, so how did it get there ? Or is the rock taking in the sights in a downtown metropolis ? And how did you manage to get there in between two, natural-when-take-alone-aneurism-causing-when -found-together objects ? Granted, it might not be steel. That's a possibility. Alright but we still have the little problem of you getting there in the first place... it's not like the rock and the hard stuff, whatever that might be, grew out of the ground as you were standing there. Once again, I find that I digress. Where was I, ahh, blank.

Being blank is a whole lot like chillin. Like a villian. Who came up with that ?!?! I first heard my friend say it, and when I read it somewhere else, I thought he had invented it and now, the whole thing was famous and hes gonna get rich. Did he coin it ? How do you find out these things ? You cant just Google it, so how do you know who came up with that phrase ? Any phrase for that matter, even a phrase like ... well ... "I'm blank".

Monday, August 11, 2003

All of us have been severely annoyed with out parents at some point in our lives. I believe its safe to assume its because of something that they wouldn't let us do. It used to frustrate me, make me feel like a prisoner. Something happened today to a fellow blogger that made me think about that. And the conclusion I've reached is this. My kids are not stepping out of my house, alone, till they are 18 years old. Period.

Why this drastic move ? Look around you. There is so much putrid filth and crap out there, its amazing we can still function as a sentient species. I don't believe half the stuff I read about in the news. People have started getting away with having child porn on their computers, saying the virus did it. F*** you, you filthy SOB ! That is disgusting ! That ain't even the beginning. Even recently, a friend of mine was complaining about all the shit she has to put up with on the street ! I don't want my daughter to go thru all that ! I don't want my son to be the number one customer of Drugs'r'us. Hell no. Hence the lock up. Keep em at home, where all is safe... and they have no contact with the outside world. But wait... that ain't right either....

My parents and grand-parents did a great job raising me. Rather, I believe they did. I owe my entire system of values, my beliefs and my sense of judging right from wrong, entirely to them. All I can hope to do is, well... do the same for my kids and my society. I think that's all anyone can hope for. Set a good example, let em go and hope to God you did your job right.

Mom, Dad, thatha and patti, you did a fine job. Thank you !

Sunday, August 10, 2003

You know how people always come up with something nice and funnily sarcastic, when they realise that someone else thought of something that they wish they had ?!?! Well, har|sh might get married. But seriously, that is a really nice writeup of all things bloggy, of all things he fears his blog will become. Its really not that bad though. Congratulations on the wedding though.

Now, onto my rant. When you are in a relationship, its great to have mutual friends. They kinda bind all the good times together, and bring in that constant kinda feeling. All fine and good. Happy happy times. Now, onto friends that aren't common. Especially, friends that each person in the relationship has opinions about.Usually unflattering opinions. Well, what do you do about that ? Its not like you actually hate the people, just that you would rather not be around them. This is further augmented by the fact that, they feel the same way around you. Should you feel guilty about it ? Try to redeem the situation ? Chuck it, saying each person can have their own bunch. Well, just letting it be might not a great idea. What happens is, well, it comes to a point where both people get severely critical of everybody in the other persons life. And as your years on this planet would have taught you, that leads to a whole lotta friction. I haven't hit upon a solution, just sweep it under the carpet and move on. Life, huh !

Yesterday night, after clawing at the walls due to sheer boredom, I started calling up people. First call, one of my female friends. She was like, whos coming, get more people, I don't want to be the only girl. Alright, next, called up some guys. They were ok with going but they wanted some lady friends. Called up another gal, she was like, I don't want be the only gal. Final try, last gal - nope... busy with something else. So following up the chain, you can see that I spent the night at home, reading. Saturday night woo0000t !!

Saturday, August 09, 2003

I'm becomming a comic addict. I can't seen to get enough of standup. I guess nobody would be surpirsed if I tell 'em that we guys haunted the comedy club again yesterday night. It was fantabulous. It was Don Reese at the comedy club, and the man is hilarious. It was great fun, side-spillting hilarious. Really nice, cheap way to have a great time on Friday. Along with the ubiquitous student discount ;)

Other than that, I've had a totally happening weekend. Met, spoke and really connected with someone, who I would really really love to know a whole lot better. You know how you just know, when you really connect and can really talk. Much like my rant a few days ago. Its gonna be great fun. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Making new friends is awesome !

And the wonderful lady that I welcomed to the shores of this land a few posts ago, is having a great time in LA. And making me burn with envy. I call her today and she's having a great time in Universal Studios, LA. Dammit ! Why doesn't someone take me around like that !!

I'm starting to feel that most of the other blogs have issues that they address. This one, mine, is just well... going nowhere in particular. Its not the way I wanted to have it, not the idea I started with. I guess thats what it is now, till I get some kinda divine intervention on this whole what to blog about deal.

Alright, I give up, I can't think of anything else to talk about. I blame all the people I've spoken to today, sucked it all out of me. Damn you all !

Friday, August 08, 2003

Who says Google adwords aren't the best thing since sliced bread ?

Thursday, August 07, 2003

Stupid things I have said/done in my life (so far)

  1. "Yes dad, that porno magazine is mine, and I think I'm old enough to have it." - in 8th grade.
  2. "Yes dad, I stole that money to buy the porno magazine" - in 8th grade.
  3. "Of course the entire class pitched in to buy the porno magazine." - in 8th grade
  4. "Hey, wanna bet a 50 bucks that that woman is a ho ?" - to my friend, not knowing that the fine lady I was talking about was his sister.
  5. "Of course I know how to ride a bike..." - a Royal Enfield 500cc Bullet
  6. "Of course I can dance..." - too many times to keep count
  7. "I want to learn, I want to go to graduate school"

I'm sure there are tons more, but I can't remember most of em right now. And those that I can remember, would need elaborate explainations to actually sound funny... hence not right now. A couple of others fall into the totally censored category, she would be very very upset with me if I did put em up here !

Well, now that I have shed my shame and stepped into the light and all that jazz... A few things about this blog. I have always wanted to have one, and now that I do, I realise that if not for the people I have met online here, it would not have been the same experience. Thanks to all you guys, and especially to those that linked me off their blogs. Your checks are in the mail.

There is something that I am just itching to yell out to the world, but I can't right now. I don't want to jinx it. I will know if things are going to work out, in about a week... and then will let Blogworld know. Till then, cross your fingers everyone. For me, please !!!!!

Now, lets see what fault tolerant architectures I can brag about in this damn report...

Wednesday, August 06, 2003

I'm in my wish-I-was-creative mood now. I was watching Seinfeld, a rerun of the last episode of the show. Wouldn't it be great to create something like that ? Something that so many people identify with. Totally kewl...

That's something that is an underlying driving force in us all. The drive to identify with others, to have others identify with us. The extent some people go to achieve that is truly amazing. Others go in the exact opposite direction, go against everything that is "accepted", and end up achieving the same. I think I'm somewhere in between. Maybe. Am I ?

For the trekkies out there, the episode of Star Trek: Enterprise on TV today (rerun), is an exact replica (in terms of story) of the awesome Star Trek movie, Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. Even of the dilithium mines of Rura Penthe are in the story ! wo0t !!! Update No-one, I repeat, no-one can beat Capt. James Tiberius Kirk. When will they learn ?!?!

Live long and prosper bloggers....

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

I had a haircut today. There is something original coming up here, hold on.

People who work in places that cut hair (I forget what they are called) should know how to speak ENGLISH ! I understand that this country is a true melting pot of cultures, that its diversity is what makes it what it is. But when you tell the old lady, holding a 500 horsepower lawnmower near your head, that you want something left on it after shes done, and she goes "Yessa, haira niceaa", you know what needs to be done.

They need TOEFL and TSE qualification.

I mean honestly, why the hell do we have to take it, but people who are capable of cutting your jugular open don't ? Even overlooking the physical hazzards of sitting there, what about bad haircuts ? My head looks like its been run over by a bushwhacker operated by Freddie. And the old lady couldn't stop telling me how nice my hair was. Let me tell you, my hair feels like a badly maintained carpet. Sad. I was like, Lady, please. Spare me. The worst was when I left the place and her perfect-english-speaking daughter says, Come back soon. Not if you gave me lapdance sugar, not if.

On a lighter note, I'm watching Last Comic Standing. It was a good show and being a sucker for standup... I can't help it. Who will win ??! The agony... the expectation...

I wanted to talk about something else, but I forgot. I'll get back to this if I remember.. duh....

Monday, August 04, 2003

I felt the overwhelming need to put this up... One of my friends mailed and said we should go watch Gigli next. Here are some of the reasons why (based on critics' reviews):

"I once got food poisoning from eating bad shrimp. I never believed that I would ever experience nausea like that ever again. I was wrong. Gigli IS the worst movie that has ever been made. I can honestly say that I have seen better acting in porno. And I should know. I've seen a lot of porn."

"I think the movie critics should have earned hazzard pay for enduring this torture. "

"Even if you sneak in from watching another've spent to much money. "

"Watching this movie was like watching a car crash. In slow motion. While trapped in a wreaked car yourself. With two broken legs. Come to think of it, that would have been a more pleasurable way to kill an evening."

"[...] getting a long, slow hand-job with a large piece of sandpaper is more enjoyable than this visual sinkhole. anyone who buys a ticket for this should be considered a terrorist."

"[...] I'd rather sit on a broken splintery broom stick. "


"I would have had more fun singing show tunes with nursing home patients than seeing this pathetic excuse for a movie. "

"Oh my God ... this review can also serve as my suicide letter. After viewing the disgrace to humanity (a.k.a Gigli, a motion picture of sheer buns) I honestly feared for the future. I thought movies were getting better, but when I saw this ... holy Gigli. I went home, and repented because I figured God was punishing me for something terrible [...] "


Enough said. Promises to be a barrel of laughs. I'm going to see Jenny from the block. Anyone coming ?

I feel like Ferris. Woke up today morning with a pretty bad headache, and decided to call in sick. So sitting at home today, still doing a good amount of work mind you... but its home. Its TV. Its lets-make-lunch ! Woohooo !!

What is it with Mondays ? Why are Mondays such a big problem ? Well, after taking the day off... all I can say is... Mondays are meant to be spent at home. But then Tuesdays would be a problem ! The horror !! Will it never end !?!?

I have to shift projects at work from tomorrow... that is going to take a bit of work. I can't believe I have to do it... even though I have only two more weeks here, but the way I see it, its one more thing I can tell a potential employer I worked on. I shouldn't complain, both my supervisors have been totally awesome and have made this entire summer a great experience.

Read this on har|sh's blog today. I totally agree with what he says. Even geeks need people to talk to. I guess Im lucky... shes really great to talk to... we have some great conversations. I blew up two phone cards this weekend. Totalling almost 5 hours. That being said, there is a difference between a soulmate and friends. I think we need both. My friends, back in undergrad, were great. But come to think of it, there was maybe one guy I really related with. After coming over here, its tough to keep in touch, what with the horribly hectic life we all lead (!). Things should change a bit now, most of us are improving our time management skills. I really need to keep in touch a whole lot better. I have so many people on my buddy lists to whom I rarely chat with these days. I should.

But my point remains, I have very few people in my life that I can really really relate to. Talk with. Sadly I find it really difficult to get to that stage with people. Looking back, I feel that most of these special people, the ones I really really related with, were girls. I think thats the way with most guys. Isn't it ?

Man, this post is a total ripoff of har|sh's. Hmm... the whole thing should have been a comment on his page ! Heheheh....

Sunday, August 03, 2003

Alright, everything seems to be working now. For some reason all the code that Blogger inserts into the header, the ad, messes up the XHTML and CSS validators. So no validation for you baby... !!!

I have spent way too much time on this. It was fun but life must move on.

Other than that, went to a comedy club on Friday night. Do you ever go to a club and wonder where all those gorgeous women hang out before they hit the clubs ? Well, well, to my surprise, they are at comedy clubs. Yes, my friends, comedy clubs. There were so many hot women there, it wasn't even funny. (Get it ? Comedy club... funny !??!). Anyways, met some people and went to a few bars and clubs after that. All in all, a nice Friday.

Hope you guys like the new layout. I haven't tried it out in Opera or Netscape. So if someone can try it out, that would be great.

Saturday, August 02, 2003

Bear with the mess... cleanup in progress.

Update: Alright, so things are somewhat working now. I like the new layout, but it hasn't been tested too well with IE. har|sh had a few problems with IE, I fixed some things, but what I'm not able to fix is the archives. They still show up in the old template. I don't know why... I've added the new template in the archive section too. I'm getting bugged with this thing today. I'll get back to it tomorrow I guess.

Please do submit your bug reports and any other wierd anomalies you come across with the new layout or anywhere else in life.

Friday, August 01, 2003

It has been one whole year.

Just about now last year, I was in Chicago airport, en route to Pittsburgh. Wondering what the f*** I was doing there. I was apprehensive, tense and on the verge of freaking out. The days just before leaving had been pretty emotionally charged with friends, family and her. I couldn't help feeling unbelievable grief at the very thought of being away from her, from my family for God-knows-how-much longer. On the phone at the airport, when I spoke to her, I was so over-powered with absolute gut-wrenching grief, I almost threw up. Getting on that plane was the toughest thing I have ever done.

Well a year has gone by and lots of things have happened. I have had a total blast over here, shes having a great time in Chennai and my family is having a great time too. So I guess things turned out fine. Not quite.

You see, Im phucked in the head. I can't keep my emotions straight. And because of that, I can't keep my life in check. I go off on all the wrong things most of the time. I am capable of so much love but at the same time, I overdo it. I get possesive, I get jealous, I get burnt, I get paranoid, I get insecure, I get emotional. That's not the way I want it to be. And I'm sure that she wouldn't either. Though if you ask her, she would probably say, "I love him for who he is". But seriously, even I wouldn't love myself, if I let myself be this big an ass. Like the past couple of days. It has been rough. I miss her so much, its giving me ulcers. Things just went out of control in my head. I just lost it, acted like an idiot. I've told her this countless number of times, so much so that its losing its meaning. I'm sorry. Funniest thing is, nothing happened to spark it off. It just happened. Something inside my head just decided to snap. And the rest is, well, a sinking, depressing feeling that makes you want to die.

Tomorrow will be a whole new day, she will be there for me. Like she always has. Like she always will be. I just wish I can say the same thing about myself. Body, mind and soul. The way I want it to be. Forever.